After years of living, um, a little spoiled, I had to face being a stay-at-home mom in the current economy. MoneySavingMom and other financial gurus have been life changers for my family. We are, finally, using a cash system and paying off loans like crazy.
We now have three children, and there is no way I’m letting them coast into the big world with no guidance in money management. From toddlerhood on, here are the steps we have taken to teach them the value of a dollar.
1. Don’t give in to “I wants”.
As soon as they began feasting their bright eyes on colorful trinkets at the checkout, we began to divert their attention. If they do not expect something each time we shop, it makes errands much easier.
We only allow a free sample if the store offers them, and sometimes a quarter machine visit on our way out for good behavior — and the money comes from their own wallets.
2. Teach that money comes from effort.
Our three-year-old recently began insisting, “I want pennies!” My prompt response? To provide him with opportunities to earn pennies!
He was happy to fold towels for his small fistful of pennies. Around age three or four, we introduce a chart with both commissioned and non-commissioned chores. Commissioned chores are for pay; non-commissioned chores are done simply because we should all contribute to the household.
Examples of our commissioned chores are: water the flowers, vacuum, fold towels, and the like. Our non-commissioned chores are: keep your things picked up, help with dinner, care for the animals, and so on.
3. Encourage wise use of money
A small portion of birthday and Christmas money is for their Give, Save, and Spend jars. We explain that many people give 10%, and we let them make the final decision which is usually more like 20-50% for them!
Saving towards a big, but attainable goal is encouraged (such as the guitar my seven-year-old is working toward.) The remainder of the gift funds they receive is put towards sports and other activities.
They have a vested interest in their activities of choice and know that “money doesn’t grow on trees!” We also put their sports uniforms and gear needs on their wishlists to guide family members towards useful presents rather than a load of soon-forgotten toys.
4. Teach the fun in frugality.
We find enjoyable frugal activities to do almost every day. Church activities, library visits, crafting, cooking together, and freebies in our mailbox are just a few ways to have tons of fun on a dime.
Lessons learned? Time management, spirituality, creativity, and resourcefulness, to name a few.
Instruction in money management is confidence-boosting and rewarding. It helps our little ones hone the skills of earning, saving, spending, and giving. These life skills will be priceless, so to speak, as they venture out in the world as young adults.
How do you teach good money-management in your children?
You can find more frugal adventures at My Mothermode, a place where Heather blogs on parenting, saving money, and more.
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Original article and pictures take moneysavingmom.com site
4 Ways to Get Quality Clothing for CHEAP or FREE Getting clothing brand new is nice, but do you really need brand new clothes all the time?
After all, many of today’s fabrics, styles and fashions are very cheaply made and wear out before their time. For example, I bought a brand new shirt 3 months ago, and with normal wear and tear, washing and such, it’s already threadbare. That $15 shirt was definitely not a bargain, was it?
Here is an idea for 4 ways to get quality clothing for cheap or FREE!
Consignment Stores
More often than not, you will find name brand clothing that is a good quality construction here. They are usually picky on what they will sell, so you are more likely to get clothing without tears or stains. I have found that in our area, clothing goes for about 30-40% of what it will sell for brand new. I have found jeans, shorts, jackets, shirts as well as shoes at consignment stores. As a matter of fact, this is the only place I have been able to outfit my oldest son, as he is growing so rapidly and thrift stores don’t usually have his size in anything. Another bonus for consignment stores is that you can take gently used clothing to sell for cash or credit on other stuff. Decluttering and saving money on clothing? Win-Win!
Thrift Stores
This requires some careful digging to find good quality. We have an array of different thrift stores, with different quality in clothing. Some will just “hang and sell” whatever is brought in, no matter what the condition. Others will actually inspect the clothing, make any minor needed repairs, and wash before moving out to the sales floor. Finding quality takes a bit of time, and knowing what you want. Sometimes, you may have to replace a button, or fix a hem, but you can really get some good bargains at thrift stores.
Yard Sales
Again, digging for quality is the key here. I have seen many people put out worn out and stained clothing at a premium price. Of course, if you are looking for rags, or quilt blocks, or “chore clothing” you may be able to get them to come way down on the price. Other yard sales I have seen great clothing at a great price. Since you are most likely NOT going to be able to try the clothes on, it’s helpful to have an idea of sizes you need, and even know if those sizes vary by designer. For example, I can get a “5” in Abercrombie, but a “3” in Guess. Knowing what you or your family’s needs and sizes are will be extremely helpful as you navigate the myriad of sales.
Host a Clothing Swap
A clothing swap is a great way to build your community while getting quality clothing. It’s basically trading outgrown, gently used clothing with friends and family. It’s not hard to set up and the benefits are amazing! Check out full details here.
That’s just 4 of the best ways I’ve used to get quality clothing for my family without breaking the bank…what other ideas do you have? Be sure to pin this for later!
Original article and pictures take thehomesteadinghippy.com site
This post may contain affiliate links which won’t change your price but will share some commission.
This post is by KS contributing writer Pam Farley from Brown Thumb Mama.
Moms: does back-to-school time stress you out? There are supplies to buy, healthy lunches to plan, and all the jitters associated with new teachers, different classmates, and changing routines.
Unfortunately, all of these changes can weaken our immune systems and make our kids more susceptible to sickness. Add in all the new germs they’re exposed to in school and it’s just a matter of time before somebody has the sniffles or a tummyache…right?
NO!
You can keep the germs away safely and naturally. Here are four methods we use to keep our family healthy when school starts.
Start with a Strong Body
Daily exercise, healthy food, and lots of water are important for everyone. (Moms, this means you, too!) Pack a reusable water bottle in the kids’ lunch, and steer them away from the drinking fountain. They aren’t sanitized nearly as often as you’d like (i.e., hardly ever).
Pump up everyone’s system even more, and keep your internal systems healthy and strong, with a daily dose of probiotics and cod liver oil.
A fun way to strengthen your body is with immune-enhancing yoga. I had no idea this existed until a yoga-fanatic friend told me about it.
Legs up the Wall is a silly pose and is great for anyone who is on their feet all day. Our entire family did this pose after a looooong day at Disneyland and the next day, we were as good as new. The kids got a kick out of watching Daddy wiggle up against the wall and stick his feet in the air.
This chemical is antibacterial and antifungal, so it sounds like it’s good for fighting germs, right? Unfortunately, it does much more than that, according to the Environmental Working Group.
Triclosan causes endocrine disruption at very low doses. It produces adverse developmental, reproductive, neurological, and immune effects in both humans and wildlife. (source)
Triclosan is persistent and bioaccumulative in wildlife. This means it doesn’t break down in the environment and it builds up in food chains–posing risks to human health and ecosystems. (source)
Triclosan causes severe hormone disruption in wildlife. It changes testosterone concentration in male rats and hastens puberty in female rats. (source)
If you really want your head to spin, read all the warnings on Triclosan’s Material Safety Data Sheet. (This is a document that contains information on a chemical’s potential health, fire, reactivity, and environmental hazards and how to work safely with that specific chemical product.)
Are these products all over your house? Don’t feel bad–they used to be all over my house too. Before you throw them in the trash, find out if your city considers personal care products to be household hazardous waste. Then you’ll know how to dispose of them.
You can keep the germs away--at school time or anytime--safely and naturally. Here are four methods we use to keep our family healthy and germ-free.
Good news–plain old soap and warm water works just fine to get rid of germs. (source)
I make my own foaming hand soap, and I include an immune-boosting essential oil blend called OnGuard during cold and flu season. (Learn more about essential oils here). OnGuard contains wild orange, clove, cinnamon, eucalyptus, and rosemary essential oils, which provide immune support and kill germs–safely and naturally.
Here are some fun handwashing songs that will keep your little ones focused for the full 20 seconds of washing needed to get hands fully clean.
Sung to the tune of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”
Twinkle, twinkle, little star See how clean my two hands are Soap and water, wash and scrub Get those germs off, rub a dub Twinkle, twinkle, little star See how clean my two hands are!
Sung to the tune of “Frere Jacques” (sing it twice)
Tops and bottoms, tops and bottoms, In between, in between, Scrub-a-dub my hands, scrub-a-dub my hands Now they’re clean, squeaky CLEAN!
Hand Sanitizer
I prefer to wash with soap and water, but sometimes that’s just not practical. If you can’t wash, be sure to use hand sanitizer before eating, after sneezing/coughing, etc.
Alcohol-based hand sanitizer works well if used correctly but be sure it doesn’t contain Triclosan! Alcohol is also very drying, so it’s always better to wash with soap and water if at all possible.
There are several homemade, natural hand sanitizer recipes out there–my version contains aloe vera gel, witch hazel, and essential oils.
Extra Credit for Teachers & Moms
Maybe it’s the nerd in me, but I love extra credit. There’s something about getting more than 100% on a test that makes my heart smile. Here are some extra germ-busters you can use around the house and/or classroom to help you stay healthy:
Citrus vinegar breaks down mold, grease, mineral deposits, and it’s anti-bacterial. Infusing the vinegar with citrus peels means your house won’t smell like a salad while you’re cleaning.
Kill germs without bleach, using two items that are probably in your medicine cabinet right now. I use this when our toddler has a potty accident while taking a bath. (Why does this always happen to me and not Hubby?)
Use a germ-fighting essential oil blend,like OnGuard, to wipe light switches and doorknobs. Imagine all the little germy fingers that touch these each day!
How does your family fight the back-to-school germs?
Note from Katie: This is the first in a back-to-school theme that will last through the end of next week, culminating in some really, really good giveaways. I can’t give away any secrets yet, but the $ value and the “I would really use that!” value are both super high!!
Corporate writer by day; hobby gardener, avid reader, and housework avoider by night, Pam blogs at BrownThumbMama.com about easy ways for your family to be healthy and live naturally–all between work, dinner, baths, and bedtime.
Disclosure: There may be affiliate links in this post from which I will earn some commission if you make a purchase. See my full disclosure statement here.
Original article and pictures take www.kitchenstewardship.com site
I’m really good at planning healthy meals for my husband and I and I’m really bad at trying to get my kids to eat healthy food. I can’t be the only one who feels like it’s totally exhausting to fight with children over food, and yet I know it’s a fight worth fighting! For the past two years it has been on my new year’s goals list- “Introduce more vegetables, Cook Healthy Meals for kids” and yet they end up eating hot dogs way more than I would like to admit!
When I was given the opportunity to interview registered dietician Shelly Summar I jumped at the opportunity to pick an expert’s brain for tips on how to get kids to eat healthy! I’m excited to share with you 4 tips that she gave me on how to get picky eaters to eat. Shelley is a dietician at Children’s Mercy Hospital, Children’s Mercy provides some great information on family dinner in THIS article. You can also see what other Children’s Mercy mom’s are saying about making meals easy HERE.
1. Try the Food Scientist Approach
“One approach we’ve taken with kids who seem to have a more significant problem trying new foods is what we call the Food Scientist approach. I recommend you try this outside of a meal time. I usually have kids do this with a food they like and a new food that we want them to try. We take a new food we want a child to try and ask them to describe the food based on the 5 senses, for example, what does it smell like? (ex. a big smell or a little smell, does it have a strong scent or no scent), what does it look like? (ex. color, shape); what does it feel like? (ex. fuzzy, smooth, bumpy, wet, dry, hard, squishy); what does it sound like? (ex. quiet or loud, is it crunchy when you bite it); what does it taste like? (ex. use terms they can understand like sweet, salty, etc). “
2. New Foods On Their Plate
“Kids need to see foods many times before they may be willing to take a bite. I recommend offering a few bites of non-preferred or new foods on their plate at meals. They don’t need to take a bite, it just needs to stay on their plate.”
3. Play With Food
“There are many steps to being willing to take a bite and swallow food. Encourage your kids to play with their foods, smell their food, and kiss or lick their food. Practice using your food to brush your teeth or see if they can hold it with just their lips! Encourage kids to play with their food, but don’t force the issue. This should be fun!”
4. Switch It Up!
“It’s also important with younger kids to alternate the foods offered, so they don’t eat exactly the same thing every day. Only offer the same foods every other day. You can make small changes to their preferred foods, such as changing the shape (try different shapes of pasta, cut out a sandwich with a cookie cutter), adding a little bit of a different flavor (add a little seasoning, sprinkle on parmesan cheese), or even changing the color.”
Need to save this for later? Pin the Image below! This post is sponsored by Children’s Mercy Hospital Original article and pictures take www.handmadeintheheartland.com site
As civilization has grown and changed, we’ve modernized a lot of things and not thought much about the consequences. Sometimes, the consequences aren’t very obvious – but we’re missing out on some benefits our ancestors derived from the simplest of things, like the way they slept or walked! Here are four ways that simply going barefoot can help keep you healthy:
1. “Earthing”
The human body is an electrical “object.” It has its own energetic system that hums throughout it at all times. But it’s also designed to come into regular contact with the earth. This helps keep the energy in proper balance, as electrons can flow freely from the earth into and through the body, enabling it to maintain a sort of electrical homeostasis.
Our modern lifestyles – constructed houses, rubber soles, asphalt pavement, etc. – have buffered us against this contact with the earth and, as a result, most of our bodies are improperly ionized. Going barefoot on equally-bare ground helps restore this stability.
(Researchers actually discovered that astronauts can develop serious health problems over time as a result of being so completely separated from the earth’s electromagnetic fields!)
2. Foot Massage
Walking barefoot provides a sort of “massage” for your feet, along with all the benefits this confers. Of course we all know that massage helps relieve stress. It probably also stimulates the lymphatic system, enhancing immunity. And stimulates all of the acupressure points on the feet, which may have a positive effect on overall well-being.
3. Sensory Development
When all of the nerve endings of the feet are permitted to come into contact with the ground during the process of walking, certain sensory systems are stimulated, helping to develop a good sense of balance, coordination, and spatial perception. (This is more significant for little ones who are just developing, but I imagine it can’t hurt us “grownups,” either!) Because it’s stimulating the nervous system, this is good for the nervous system overall, as well.
4. Strength
Walking barefoot strengthens the feet. Because a bare foot must conform and adapt to uneven terrain, the muscles are stimulated in constantly-changing ways. This is good for muscle development.
Of course there are times when you won’t want to be barefoot; sometimes your feet need protection! But when you can, it’s helpful to go barefoot. And when being barefoot isn’t possible, try to aim for soft-soled and/or leather (not rubber) soles. And please leave those toddling babies in their bare feet as much as possible!
(There’s more about the benefits of being barefoot in this article from Pathways to Family Wellnessmagazine.)
4 Sure-Fire Tips to Help Picky Eaters Actually Eat That Healthy School Lunch
There’s an unspoken stigma amongst moms these days, namely “picky eaters are created by moms who cater to their kid’s every whim.” Or better said, your kid wouldn’t be a picky eater if you didn’t LET him be.
And while an element of this certainly may be true, picky eating isn’t quite that simple.
Sure, the concept of a “picky eater” is largely a first-world one. But that doesn’t mean it’s not REAL or not worth our attention. Nor does it diminish the frustration and anguish of parents who deal with children who are picky eaters.
What Causes Picky Eating?
Picky eating shows up in affluent upper-class homes as well as those who fill their pantries via the food bank and food stamps – there’s no one group that has the “market cornered” on picky eating.
Also, picky eaters come about for a number of reasons, which range from psychological to hormonal to relational to behavioral. This is why often toddlers will love a certain food, then suddenly when they turn two or three, won’t touch that favorite food for anything. For my five-year-old, it’s currently zucchini. Last year he would eat an entire zucchini on his own, but this year as we’ve begun pulling our treasures out of the garden, he won’t touch it, even though he helps harvest it and he’s proud as peaches of getting to carry them all into the house.
I appreciate this quote from Dr. Sears (even though I would also insert “grow” next to the word “buy”):
“We now realize that our job is simply to buy the right food, prepare it nutritiously…, and serve it creatively… we’ve learned to take neither the credit nor the blame if our children go through a picky eater stage.” (source)
Basically, what I’m trying to say is that we need to exercise a bit of grace towards each other (and our children), then dive in and get excited about helping our children delight in their food, while setting a few guidelines along the way.
The key is to remember that picky eating WILL pass. It may not be until adulthood (as Stephanie has written about so wonderfully) or it may be next year, but it WILL pass. In the meantime, continuing to offer those foods that are assumed to be verboten is absolutely important. It can sometimes take up to 40 times of being exposed to something new before we even “see” it, and the same is true with tastes and textures. In our house, we have the rule that you have to take at least one bite of everything at each meal, even if every time you decide you still don’t like it.
The Bigger Picture
Food should be fun! I’m not advocating playing with food and making a mess (except on purpose), but I am saying that the MUCH BIGGER PICTURE is that we’re in the business of teaching our children to delight in mealtimes and to delight in their food, which will ultimately result in a much healthier relationship with food. If mealtimes descend into battlegrounds on a regular basis, this is quashed and food choices are more about the power struggle than about enjoying each other’s company around a meal.
If that’s the case in your family, perhaps try resetting your dinnertime by removing the central focus from the food itself and focusing more on telling stories around the dinner table, laughing together, and setting very simple rules you know your children can meet so that everyone looks forward to mealtime more, your kiddos become more confident by regularly accomplishing their goals, and in that environment become more open to trying new things.
And if you’re worried about your child because you’re afraid he’s missing out on certain nutrients, get creative. Did you know pineapple and kiwi have more Vitamin C than oranges? Or that bell peppers, other brightly colored vegetables, and even red palm oil have equal or more beta carotene than carrots? What I’m saying is that there are multiple ways to get a wide-complement of vitamins and minerals into your child’s diet through whole foods and your child will likely eat at least one of them (even if that may require pureeing it in a sauce or serving it up in a popsicle).
But What About When My Child is Away from Home?
Now – we’ve also got a second hurdle to deal with. It’s one thing to deal with a picky eater at home when you can be present at meals and encourage him or her to try new foods, but what do you do when your child is away from home – namely school or camp?
Here are three sure-fire strategies I’ve found for helping picky eaters actually eat that healthy school lunch waiting for them in their backpack. Of course, not every single one will work for your child, but I’ve purposely called them “sure-fire” because I’ve seen nearly every child who has tried them become more adventurous in their eating habits over the course of a few weeks or months.
And if they don’t, there’s one more idea listed at the end. ��
I can’t wait to hear how these strategies work for you!
By the way, these tips are from my brand-new e-book, Healthy School Lunches Made Simple, a book I’ve been working on for years and that I am BEYOND thrilled to finally be able to share with you all!
Since you’re hearing about the book here at Keeper of the Home, a site I love passionately, I’m offering a special, additional bonus just for Keeper of the Home readers. Click here to check out the book – and use code SCHOOLROCKSATKOTH to get 25% off through this weekend (ends Sunday night, Aug. 9, at midnight PST).
4 Sure-Fire Tips for Getting Your Picky Eater to Eat Your Healthy School Lunch
#1. Make it intriguing.
Use a toothpick and a triangle of cheese to turn a deviled egg into a boat.
Any food on a skewer is more fun.
Tie it in a pretty package – this can be as simple as parchment paper and a fabric ribbon.
Dip turns any food into a party.
Cut the foods in fun shapes, such as watermelon into stars and serve with blueberries or cut hearts out of a tortilla and layer it like lasagna with any filling.
#2. Go for sensory eating.
Have all the foods in the lunch match with a common sensory theme, like:
Every food is the same color. (An all red lunch, anyone?)
Every food is the same texture. (All spoonable or all crunchy, etc.)
Every food is from the same origin. (All food from the ocean or everything is from your garden, etc.)
Include one food from each sense (One smells amazing, one makes an interesting sound when you bite it, one feels interesting, one looks alluring, and one tastes amazing – maybe the last one is their favorite food). These can be more simple than it sounds!
#3. Include your child in making the lunch.
When children are emotionally and physically involved in preparing what they eat, they’re far more invested in it. Thus, they’re much more likely to take a few bites and maybe even polish off what they’ve packed.
But My Child is Still Picky! What Do I Do?
For those of you whose kids plain, flat-out refuse to eat what you send in their lunchbox, here’s one more strategy to help your child venture into new territory. (Important: I’m assuming your child is at least school-age for this strategy – this one is not appropriate for toddlers or preschoolers.)
#4. Change the Focus.
This strategy is best used when you as a parent have been dealing with picky eating for a long time and you feel exhausted, or at a time when your child has been particularly stubborn for an extended period of time. It removes focus from food and focuses instead on teaching important life lessons.
Let’s break this down a little bit. If you’re at this point, food has become a point of contention, a tug-of-war, or a power struggle with your child – and obviously, I’m assuming there aren’t any food allergies, abuse issues, or other bigger issues at play here.
Therefore, the change in behavior and the acceptance to try something new CANNOT come from within that struggle or frustration. Or better said, it can’t be about the food, even though we’re using food as the medium and the end goal is to change your child’s thinking about food.
Most of all, remember this: this is one of many hurdles that will present itself along the parenting journey. Infuse it with joy, creativity, and patience for the journey and you’ll be setting both you and your child up with GREAT tools for tackling all the hurdles that lie ahead.
So first, talk to your child. Obviously, make this age-appropriate, but describe how food works in our body, why you make the type of food you do, etc. With older children, you can even describe your frustrations or concerns, if appropriate, although keep your tone positive. Chiding won’t help this process!
Second, listen. Ask them why they like the food they do. If you child is able to express their likes, listen for cues that communicate a sensory preference (i.e. they only mention crunchy foods, foods of a certain hue, or foods that can be eaten with hands), a relationship (“I like Daddy’s omelets”), etc. You likely already know these, but it’s still beneficial to your children to feel heard and to be able to verbalize their preferences. Plus, you might hear something new.
Third, set a goal together and make a plan to reach that goal. Agree on a goal regarding trying new foods or setting new food habits (e.g. taking one bite of everything for five days in a row), then make a plan for reaching that goal (even something simple like a sticker chart to mark progress), and lastly, offer an incentive for meeting that goal. Note: THIS INCENTIVE CANNOT BE FOOD, OR EVEN ANYTHING PHYSICAL. IT MUST BE RELATIONAL. For example, a good incentive will be “I’ll take you to the Carousel on Saturday” or “You can stay up half-an-hour late on Friday and we’ll watch a movie.” This may NOT be, “If you meet your goal, we’ll have extra dessert” or “you may have a special piece of chocolate when you get home on Friday.”
The reason for this is because when you are at your wit’s end, your child must know that your love and respect for them has nothing to do with to how well they do or do not eat their meals. Which is true, right? You may be frustrated, annoyed, or even angry, but your love certainly doesn’t hinge on an empty lunchbox!
Thus, you can help instill a new habit (e.g. trying new foods) by tying it EMOTIONALLY to the positive experience of working to meet a goal and celebrating that success together. This is also why you can’t tie it to a physical non-food incentive, such as “if you eat all your lunch, I’ll buy you a new book” or “if you bring home an empty lunchbox, we’ll go get a new Lego set to add to your collection.” This MUST be tied to relationship. (Now, if the new Lego set comes with an entire morning of playing Lego together, perhaps that’s a different story!)
The second part of this is not only to instill the ability to eat new foods, but for your child to gain the confidence and skill that comes with the satisfaction of working toward a goal, even if it’s hard. This is a LIFE lesson and happens to use food as its medium. However, as I mentioned at the beginning of the article, we’re also wanting to help them learn how to delight in their food and their food choices. This – again – is why this MUST be tied to relationship, as these life lessons will be repeated over and over again through your child’s growing years.
And again, remember, in this strategy, your role is that of cheerleader! It’s like learning to ride a bike: you can teach your child how to get up on the bike, how to pedal, and you can run behind holding on, but ultimately, they have to ride the bike by themselves. So cheer your child on enthusiastically!
Okay, let me sum up this strategy:
Talk and listen to your child (at least school-age – this strategy is not for toddlers or preschoolers).
Set a food-related goal (make it small, do-able, and repetitive, as the whole point is to establish a new habit).
Agree on a relationship-based incentive and cheer your child on along the way.
Have you helped your picky eaters learn new food habits? If so, tell us how YOU did it in the comments below!
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. When you buy through our links, we earn a small commission, which helps to keep this site going so that we can continue to offer free and useful content, so thanks!
Original article and pictures take keeperofthehome.org site
4 Resources for Talking to Children about Safe Touch
Talking to children about safe touch might just save you and them from heartache for years to come. So many children are molested at sleepovers, at friends’ houses, and even by their own relatives. It can happen anywhere at anytime. It’s never too early to begin talking to children about safe touch!
By Will Odom, Contributing Writer (and Erin’s hubby!)
Last week, I wrote a post about why our family has decided to avoid sleepovers for right now.
The response was quite overwhelming.
The majority of comments were positive or at the very least understanding and respectful of our stance.
As I read through all the comments, there was one theme that appeared over and over again as people discussed their own family decisions about sleepovers, whether for or against or somewhere in the middle.
What was that theme? Education.
As I mentioned in the original post, a soldier is not sent out into the battlefield without proper training and equipment, so we want to make sure that our children prepared.
An adult or even peer pressure from other kids their own age can be powerful forces with which to contend, so we don’t want to put them in compromising situations. However, we also know that things can happen anywhere at anytime. We will not always be around.
While we have chosen to avoid sleepovers right now, there are many other areas that can be problematic, so we want them to know how to handle themselves in any situation.
We do not want our children to live in fear or mistrust all adults, but putting up boundaries is of utmost importance. They need to know that they have the power to say, “No!” and that we will always be there to listen.
So, we asked our online community how they train their children to deal with the issue of safe and unsafe touch. We wanted to know how you all encourage discussions about these topics.
There were 4 main ways that our Humbled Homemaker community approaches talking to children about safe touch:
Conversations
From the beginning, we have spoken with our girls about how no one should touch the parts that are covered by their diapers or under their shirts.
We have used the real names for body parts and initiated these basic dialogs.
As they have gotten older, we have continued the conversations with more details and strategies.
Brenna Friend and her hubby are houseparents and had some excellent advice:
We started pretty young (2-3) and told them that only mom & dad (for baths and to help during potty times) & doctors (at doctor visits) were allowed to touch them in their private area. My kids knew no one was supposed to touch that area or look at it. We had a few babysitters, and we would let the kids know if they needed help that the sitter “has our permission to help you in the bathroom with your permission.”
We also use “red light touch, green light touch.”
Red Light = bad/inappropriate touches Green Light = good/appropriate touches
We stopped using the phrases “good & bad” because it is confusing. We often say good or bad touch, but the problem is our bodies cannot distinguish between that when we are young.
It may be completely inappropriate but “feel” good. The child knows they are being hurt and mistreated, but because it felt good, they have mixed feelings in their brain. They often: a) feel like they wanted it b) feel like they deserved it c) have guilt for feeling good or d) won’t be able to say they were “violated/molested” because it felt good.
Mandi Street Benson mentioned the swimsuit rule and making sure others know you discuss these things with your child:
We talk about this in small doses and keep it casual. We have a swimsuit rule–anything on the body that is covered by a swimsuit should not be touched, looked at, or photographed by another person. Also, I tell my girls that no one else should expose their swimsuit area or ask them to touch it. And if they ever see pictures of someone’s swimsuit area, they should always tell either me or their dad.
My oldest knows she has the right to privacy in the potty, so even among family members this can be important.
Also, we discuss that there are no secrets in our family. It is ok if ONE parent does not know something (as in a surprise), but it is not ok if BOTH parents do not know something. We have also told them that if someone ever says to keep a secret from us, that they don’t *need* to tell us, or that they will get in trouble for telling us, then they need to tell us right away. That should be a red flag for them.
Another thing I tell them is that if you have that icky feeling like something is wrong then your instinct is telling you to tell your Mommy and Daddy right away— no matter how small it seems.
The idea is to educate them so they do not stay silent about the situation. There are times when they will have to be in another’s care, and they should be aware of what to do if anything inappropriate happens. I think that is why it is so important to talk about these things and let others *know* you talk about them with your children. I think the -most- important factor is that others are aware that I do this. A casual mention to your child in front of others lets them know, I am NOT afraid to talk about it, and neither is my child. If people know I will talk about body safety right in front of them, I reason they are less likely to mess with my kid.
We had 17 girls for a “Late Over” birthday party. They all came in their PJs, and we watched a movie and ate popcorn. The parents returned to pick them up by 9, and the girls had a blast!
Lynn Killpack talks to her children about their “treasures” that should be protected:
From birth, I have called my children’s body parts “their treasures.” (I also taught them the real medical words). The idea of treasures helped them understand they are to be protected & hidden. “Covering your treasures” has helped me to teach modesty, given me language to talk about predators, launched talks about sex as they have gotten older & gave them a sense of ownership/empowerment of their bodies. We straight up talk about people who may want to steal treasures from them & how important it is they tell if this happens. Kids cannot stop robbers by themselves. Good touch, bad touch leads to confusion. The body will lie about what is appropriate. Predators count on that.
Vivian Gallegos talked to her son about appropriate behavior between adults and children:
I was careful not to want him to mistrust all adults but to be aware of certain things. I told him he had to trust his instincts at that age most kids get a feeling of when someone wants to be friends. That’s fine, but when an adult is initiating a friendship that feels exclusive, like paying more attention to you than others wanting to show or share things to impress you, wanting to have time only with you wither for a cool reason or not. That’s when you need to set boundaries and if you ever even wonder or question if that is what’s happening or not ALWAYS ask me or talk to me or dad about it.
Her children had just recently completed a radKIDS safety education program that was offered in our area.
Our oldest two girls just attended the camp last week, and I cannot say enough good things about the program. They could not wait to get home to tell me and show me all they had learned…from gun safety to personal boundaries to fighting off an attacker.
In addition to what they learned, it gave us some great talking points for discussion throughout the week.
And one the best parts is that they can attend again as many times as they want to until they are age 13.
I would strongly encourage parents to find a local safety camp, whether it be radKIDS or another similar program.
Books
Books are a great way to start conversations and teach kids about their bodies as well as handling inappropriate situations.
Here are a few that were suggested by our readers:
This rule is an excellent place to start the discussion and a good first line of defense.
No one, especially an adult, should ever ask a child to keep a secret that is not something like a surprise party. Always encourage your children to tell you if someone tells them to keep a secret.
Our children should always know that they can come to us with anything and that we will always be willing to listen.
I just received a quart of beef tallow from my farmer (amazing what I can get excited about!) and tonight I’m going to fry something in it. Probably fish or crab cakes.
Beef Tallow is Great for High Heat Cooking
Traditionally, tallow was used for high heat frying in most fast food restaurants because it remained very stable under high heat conditions and imparted a good flavor. The switch was made in the 1970’s when the vegetable oil industry gained power and propagandized the (supposed) benefits of polyunsaturated fats.
If saturated fats like tallow cause heart disease, then why is heart disease an epidemic today when hardly anyone uses tallow anymore?
Saturated Fat is not the Enemy
Sadly, the USDA still encourages the use of these highly refined polyunsaturated seed and vegetable oils that are probably the greatest contributors to obesity, diabetes, heart disease and cancer. The reason for this is that these vegetable oils are highly refined and have toxic elements in them. They are also unstable in heat situations and this causes them to oxidize. Oxidation breeds free radicals and free radicals damage cells, tissues and organs in the body. This damage includes cell membrane damage which is the basis of many diseases.
In contrast, saturated fats from clean, healthy animals that are humanely raised on pasture are protective and necessary for the human body. These are the fats our ancestors have eaten for centuries, way before oil refineries were established.
Four Reasons to use Beef Tallow
Reason 1: For high heat cooking this is one of the best fats because it remains stable, with a high smoke point and you will avoid generating free radicals.
Reason 2: Beef tallow is protective against metastatic breast tumors. Research conducted at The Department of Cell Biology and Human Anatomy, University of California, School of Medicine, Davis, CA, has shown that “Beef Tallow Increases the Potency of Conjugated Linoleic Acid in the Reduction of Mouse Mammary Tumor Metastasis.” The title says it all. This study showed that mice fed CLA (Conjugated Linoleic Acid) with beef tallow, had fewer metastatic breast tumors than another group that was fed vegetable fat blend. The authors concluded that the fatty acids in beef tallow actually enhanced the (known) anti tumor actions of CLA.
The authors stated,
fatty acids normally found in beef tallow, such as oleic, stearic, and palmitic acids, either did not change or enhanced the cytolytic effects of CLA isomers on mouse mammary tumor cells in culture. These data provide evidence that dietary BT, itself with negligible levels of CLA, may increase the efficacy of dietary CLA in reducing mammary tumorigenesis.
Reason 3: Using beef tallow will help make strong bones as there is a lot of vitamin D in this fat. (However, lard is probably the best source of vitamin D.)
Reason 4: Saturated fats like beef tallow provide an excellent form of energy for the human body to use. Many of the problems people have with metabolic syndrome, pre-diabetes and diabetes is due to the over abundance of sugars in the diet in the form of empty carbohydrate calories. This requires a lot of insulin to regulate the blood sugar and to store the excess calories as fat. The constant need for insulin creates the problems of insulin resistance and this develops into diabetes.
If people would eat more (good) fat and less sugar they would be better off. Tonight, my fish will be bathed in good clean beef tallow. It will taste delicious and—while the low fat demogogues would never admit it—it will be far more satisfying too!
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