Healthy Children

понедельник, 31 марта 2008 г.

5 Ways to Help Our Kids Eat Less Sugar…and still enjoy the season!

It’s that time of year again.

I like to call it sugar season. Other people call it Halloween or Thanksgiving or Christmas or New Years. The time of year when candy is literally thrown at our kids and you can’t go anywhere without being offered a sugary treat.

Our Approach to Sugar

Now I am not one of those people who take an all or nothing approach to sugar. I severely limit refined sugar intake in our household (you can read why here), but when we are out and about, my kids are allowed to enjoy treats because a large part of fellowship happens around food. Fellowship always wins (except for with food allergies of course!).

I think it’s important to be flexible and not legalistic about our food. For this reason we follow the 80/20 rule. We focus on nutrient-dense, real food when we are at home (about 80%+ of the time) and we don’t worry about the rest when we are at church, celebrations, birthday parties, or other occasions (less than 20% of the time).

Putting it in Perspective

As sugar season approaches, let’s put our sugar intake into perspective:

According to the Journal of the American Heart Association, “Children ages 4-8 with a daily caloric intake of 1,600 calories should consume no more than 130 calories, or about 3 teaspoons [of sugar] a day.” (source)

Now let’s evaluate a common food for children in that age range – the famous peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I chose brands for this analysis that are well-known and that parents might choose while grocery shopping.

Two slices of bread = 6 grams of sugar.

Therefore, if you are not consciously buying products without sugar, a regular peanut butter and jelly sandwich could contain about 22 grams of sugar. That is equal to 5 1/2 teaspoons of sugar which is 2 1/2 teaspoons over the recommended daily limit.

Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are not the only source of hidden sugars. You can also find hidden sugars in seemingly healthy things like applesauce and spaghetti sauce.

This applesauce has 22 grams of sugar, which is equal to about 5 1/2 teaspoons of sugar. Some of the sugar is natural, but most of it is from the added high fructose corn syrup. Certainly one serving of this applesauce will put your young child over their daily limit of refined sugar intake.

This spaghetti sauce has 11 grams of sugar. This is equal to a little less than 3 teaspoons of sugar per serving which is the recommended allowance for refined sugar in kids 4-8. Again, some of those sugars occur naturally, but a lot of it is from the added refined sugar which is what we want to avoid.

Do you see where the problem is? If you are eating processed foods at every meal, you are consuming a lot of hidden sugars. Most kids can far exceed their recommended daily allowance of sugar before even eating a single “treat”. Throw in the holiday season and we have a huge sugar problem!

What can we do to help our kids eat less sugar?

We know that sugar intake lowers the immune system response, depletes the body of magnesium, causes insulin resistance, and is highly addictive (think of picky eaters who only want sugary/starchy foods). This season we need to be diligent in reducing those hidden sugars, so that when the opportunity arrives to indulge in a sweet treat, it won’t be overloading their little bodies.

Eat mainly real food ingredients. When you make your food at home, you can control the ingredients that go into it. This means more nutrients and less refined sugars going into their little bodies.
If you are going to buy processed foods, become a diligent label reader. It is possible to find store-bought items without added sugars. Here’s a post I wrote about that: 5 Simple Real Food Exchanges to Reduce Sugar in Your Diet
Drink water. Cut the juices, sodas, and sports drinks during this season. Our kids love them, but they certainly contain more than 3 teaspoons of sugar and are completely unnecessary nutrient-wise. Sugared drinks are the number one source of added sugars in our diet.
Eat first. If you are heading to a party or social gathering, fill up their tummies on some good food first. That way they can indulge on some small, sugary treats and still be satisfied without binge eating.
Be honest. Explain moderation to your kids. Talk about the difference between foods God gave us and foods that man has made.

I think it’s also important to enjoy yourself. If your kids see you completely stressing out about every bite of food they are putting in their mouth, they may become sneaky or resentful about their sugar intake. Take joy in knowing that they are getting nourishing food most of the time and don’t sweat it. Seriously. Fellowship always wins.

For more information about what we do when we have consumed too much sugar, read here: How to Recover From Eating Too Much Sugar

What do you do to help your kids eat less sugar?

четверг, 27 марта 2008 г.

5 Ways to Detox Your Laundry Routine

It wasn’t long after I started my natural living journey that I realized that I needed to detox my laundry routine. Most conventional laundering supplies contain dyes, perfumes and many other toxins.

At first, I simply began using a free and clear detergent. But even those are not quite as pure as they may appear.

The final push for me to fully detox my laundry routine was when I made the switch to cloth diapers. When I discovered that I needed to use a naturally-friendly detergent and skip on the stain removers, fabric softener and dryer sheets, I knew it was time for a full over-hall of my laundry routine.

Check out these 5 ways to detox your laundry routine:

Image by brittreints

1. Switch to a natural detergent.

What to stay away from:

optical brighteners, which give the illusion that fabric is whiter/brighter than it really is. These can actually cause build-up on your laundry and even cause skin irritations.
stain guards, which coat fabrics.

Natural detergent recommendations:

Try a homemade detergent. I don’t currently make my own, as I have hesitations about using certain homemade detergents on my cloth diapers, but I have friends who rave about both the effectiveness and frugality of these non-toxic detergent alternatives. I recently put together a list of 5 homemade natural detergent recipes that I want to try. I also collect them on my “Homemade Cleaners” board on Pinterest.
Use soap nuts. These are just about as natural as you can get! Soap nuts are berries that grow on trees in India and Nepal. They contain large quantities of saponin in their shells, which acts as a natural, gentle detergent when it comes into contact with water.
Check out this handy detergent determiner that rates an assortment of detergent brands for cloth diaper compatibility. It doesn’t matter if you plan on using your detergent on diapers or not. You can use the tool to rate how non-toxic your current detergent is–or to rate any detergents you are interested in purchasing.
Research laundering supplies in the EWG database, which rates just about everything under the sun for toxicity. The database has 678 entries in the laundry section alone!

2. Use natural stain removers.

My favorite stain remover is free and 100 percent natural–the sun! If I have a tough stain, I will hang the article of clothing out in the sun while it is still soaking wet. The sun usually bleaches it within a few hours!

You can also try:

adding oxygen bleach (which is a great natural alternative to chlorine bleach) to the wash. Or, dissolve powdered oxygen bleach in water and spray it directly on the stain.
rubbing a bar of Fels Naptha soap directly on the stain before laundering.

3. Ditch the fabric softener.

I’ve never used a liquid fabric softener. My mother didn’t, so I just never thought it was important. However, I know it’s a normal part of many laundry routines.

White vinegar is the perfect alternative to fabric softener. And not only does it soften, but it can also take the sour smell out of wet clothes that have sat in a washing machine for too long.

4. Forget the dryer sheets and use wool dryer balls instead!

Up until I started using cloth diapers, I always used dryer sheets. I would get the cheapest ones and cut them in half to make them last longer.

But when I started using cloth diapers, I found out the dryer sheets would leave residue on them. Plus, that residue was leaving toxins on our clothes, too!

I immediately switched to using wool dryer balls, and I’ve never looked back.Wool dryer balls can help speed up drying time, reduce some static cling, and, as an added bonus, wool is antibacterial!

I purchased my original ones from Re-Diaper.com, and I also have some from Mighty Nest. Mine have lasted for years. Many Etsy shop owners also sell them, or, if you’re crafty, you can even try making your own.

(Can’t bear to part with your dryer sheets? Give these homemade dryer sheets a try!)

5. Stop taking your clothes to the dry cleaner.

Traditional dry cleaners contain many potential toxins. I have always avoided clothes that required dry cleaning anyway–even before my natural living days. Back then, I just didn’t want the expense!

However, there will always be some items that absolutely must be dry cleaned. Our comforter set is one of those items. Thankfully, we have an organic, non-toxic dry cleaner business in my hometown. If you don’t, you may want to check into eco-friendly and non-toxic alternatives to dry cleaning.

What are your ideas for detoxing your laundry routine?

Original article and pictures take thehumbledhomemaker.com site

понедельник, 24 марта 2008 г.

5 Ways to Boost Your Child’s Immune System

As the weather changes and as people spend more time indoors together, the propensity for colds, flu, and other illnesses to spread from person to person increases. Natural remedies are wonderful when your child is sick, but boosting their immune system to try to prevent them from catching any illness in the first place is even better!

So what are some natural ways you can boost your child's immune system?

5 Ways to Boost Your Child's Immune System

1. First of all, there is no substitute for a nutrient-dense diet. Nutritional deficiencies make your child much more susceptible to viruses and bacteria. Additionally, additives and sugar found in processed foods not only do nothing to strengthen the immune system, they actually suppress it. Keep your child off packaged food with added ingredients and cook whole foods for them. (Need help planning a healthy menu? I like using Build a Menu.)

2. Herbs – there are several herbs with immune boosting properties. I'm honestly not very knowledgeable about herbs — yet! I am working my way through the Making Herbs Simple course from Bulk Herb Store . I'm really excited about learning! I purchased some pre-made formulas and they worked so well when my little guy was sick last week!

3. Non-toxic environment – exposure to chemicals on a regular basis can damage the immune system. I try to use only natural cleaning and beauty products and we do not use antibacterial soap as it kills all bacteria, not just the bad. When any resistant bacteria emerge, there are no good bacteria to fight them.

4. Sleep – Children and adults alike need sleep in order to give their body time to regenerate cells and repair itself. If your child does not get enough sleep, his body does not have time to rebuild itself from the damage of the day and will eventually succumb to whatever bacteria or viruses are attacking his system.

5. Probiotics – probiotics are the friendly bacteria that naturally occur in the gut. One of their jobs is to protect the body from bacteria and viruses. When the balance of beneficial bacteria to unfriendly bacteria is incorrect, your child will be much more susceptible to illness. Supplementing with probiotics will help your child's body naturally protect itself. One enjoyable way for your child to consume enough probiotics is to feed them yogurt or fermented foods like sourdough. You can also get powdered probiotics to add to their food or drink. I buy mine at Vitacost. I get the Garden of Life Raw Probiotics for Kids. (Sign up through this link and you will get a coupon for $10 off your first purchase.)

6. Oral Hygiene – Oral health has an incredible impact on your overall health! To make a long story short, bacteria from improper brushing and flossing habits move into the bloodstream and create system-wide imflammation, which sets the stage for any number of illnesses. Proper dental hygiene is a must for healthy children!

(Did anybody notice that was actually 6 ways? Evidently I can't count!)

Other posts you may like:

How I Get My Babies to Sleep Through the Night

MaryEllen is a stay-at-home wife and homeschooling mom. She has a passion for helping other women be all that God wants them to be.

Original article and pictures take www.imperfecthomemaker.com site

среда, 19 марта 2008 г.

5 Uses for Those Ever-Growing Kombucha SCOBYs!

What to do with all those layers of kombucha SCOBY? Here are 5 uses for those ever-growing kombucha SCOBYs!

I’ve been keeping a continuous brew of kombucha now for several years. But my SCOBY grows so fast, I have many extra layers all the time.

Kombucha SCOBY

I have a SCOBY hotel alongside my main 2 gallon container as insurance should my SCOBY suddenly die off.

Thankfully my SCOBY is very healthy and just keeps on keeping on, but after a short while I have to trim off some layers. It’s fascinating to handle the SCOBY and think about what it really is – It’s a symbiotic culture of bacteria and yeast. It’s also known as a biofilm. We’ve heard a lot about biofilms that are not beneficial and I’m happy to say that a SCOBY is beneficial!

I just love that, because it can be used for other things beyond making a beneficial drink.

Top 5 alternative uses for extra SCOBYs

1 – Process in a food processor to make a mask for a kombucha facial. I’ve done this several times and while I am not crazy about the smell of vinegar, the facial does wonders for my skin. The organic acids in the kombucha act as a gently peel and take off top layers of dead skin. It gives a healthy glow. Best of all, it requires you to lie down for 20 minutes or so, relax and pamper yourself for no money at all!

2 – Process in a food processor to break it up and work it into your vegetable garden. You will be amazed at how healthy your soil will become by adding the beneficial organisms from the SCOBY. It also brings the Ph down a bit and this will help the plants grow as well.

3 – Feed it to your pets and other animals. I don’t have animals at home but I have heard that many people will feed it to their chickens and pets and they love it! Why not give your pets beneficial organisms!

4 – You can also dehydrate the SCOBY to make a jerky type of snack. You probably want to soak the SCOBY in some kind of marinade or sauce first so that it picks up a flavor.

5 – Share the SCOBY with friends and neighbors and feel good about reaching out to them with something that can improve their health! I’ve had friends that were able to finally kick the soda habit and replaced it with kombucha! That is awesome!

What do you do with your extra SCOBYs? Leave a comment and let me know!

Original article and pictures take realfoodforager.com site

понедельник, 17 марта 2008 г.

5 Urban Edibles with Amazing Health Benefits

**Thank you to Dan of SurvivalSullivan for today’s post! Be sure to check his site out here**

Learn some of the delicious edibles that may be lurking right in your backyard! The Homesteading Hippy #homesteadhippy #fromthefarm #urbanhomesteading #foraging

The purpose of this article is two-fold. On the one hand, the edible weeds I’m about to reveal to you have, indeed, so many health benefits it’s not even funny.

The other reason is that these plants may very well be on your post-collapse urban diet. This isn’t to say you won’t find them outside cities but let’s keep in mind that urban dwellers are going to have a very tough time finding food when it hits the fan.

That’s the cool thing about these edible plants: you ca run into them in pretty much any green public space, so you don’t have to venture too far away from your home and risk becoming the victim of angry mobs and gangs that will probably be ruling the streets.

Before we move on with the list, I want to assure you of two things…

First, all of the chosen edibles are jam-packed with vitamins and minerals. You literally cannot go wrong regardless of what you choose for your next salad. Second, all of these plants are low on calories so if you’re looking to lose weight or simply want to feel better and more energized each day, this list is a great start, even though society hasn’t broken down yet.

That being said, let’s see our list of 5 urban edibles!

#1. Dandelions (Taraxacum officinale)

Wow, where should I start? Dandelions contain a plethora of micronutrients that are essential to your body. The dandelion greens in particular make one heck of a salad and for good reason: vitamins such as A, C, E, K, B1, B2, B6 and minerals like iron, potassium, magnesium are jam-packed in this very common plant that people don’t even bother to look at when they step on it in open spaces, rushing to get to their jobs. With all these micronutrients, you can probably guess that the list of health benefits is huge, so I’m not gonna write all of them, just a few that are more important. Dandelions may help you against diabetes, acne, and anemia, they help you maintain good bone density, they keep your liver functioning properly and may be even effective against urinary issues.

Dandelions are also a great source of fiber which,

as you probably know, is great against constipation and… I saved the best for last: dandelions are rich in antioxidants which prevent free radical damage which can help slow down the aging process.

#2. Clovers

You can add them to your bean soup or baked beans or you can just pick them up, wash them and eat them raw. By far, the micronutrient that’s most abundant inside clovers is manganese, and you also get decent quantities of magnesium, calcium and iron. Nope, I didn’t forget the health benefits: they are effective against arthritis and respiratory infections, they improve digestion, they’re used in dental care procedures and may even improve men’s sexual stamina.

#3. The Common Mallow (Malva Sylvestris)

Mallow is yet another urban edible that you can throw into your salad but it can also be used to treat bronchitis, throat infections and even asthma. It’s a good laxative and anti-inflammatory, it helps balance the pH levels in your stomach, helps restore damaged skin tissue, it’s good against ulcers and, just like the dandelion and it’s a great diuretic. Potassium, calcium, magnesium, vitamin C, vitamin A – these are all great and can be found in the common mallow.

#4. Chickweed (Stellaria media)

The thing about chickweed is to eat it while it is still young and still tastes great.

Wondering about the nutritional profile? Here goes: zinc, potassium, copper, magnesium vitamin C and many others, which “translate” into dealing with constipation, stomach aches, lung diseases and asthma. It’s also a fantastic lotion to treat joint pain, and various skin conditions OR, if you want, you can just tie it inside a thin cloth and place it on your bathtub.

#5. Wild Garlic (Ramsons or Allium Ursinum)

Although many see it as a pest, the leaves of wild garlic make a very good soup. Only problem is, they look very similar to those of lily of the valley, which is highly poisonous despite the fact that it has a sweet scent. And that’s the key to knowing the difference: when you crush a leave in-between your fingers, you will either smell garlic or that sweeter scent, so this is a sure way to tell the difference.

Well, those were it.

It’s amazing to look back at the health benefits of these plants and see just how many illnesses they can help treat or alleviate… it’s just mind-boggling. These benefits are definitely something to keep in mind. Want to learn about even more edibles? Check out this urban foraging article where you will also find my list of foraging rules that it’s best to keep in mind when doing this activity on public property and how to tell which plants are poisonous and which aren’t (we saw in the case of wild garlic that things aren’t always easy).

Be sure to pin this to your favorite board for later

Original article and pictures take thehomesteadinghippy.com site

четверг, 13 марта 2008 г.

5 Unpopular Reasons to Jump into Babywearing with Both Feet

Should you babywear? Here's 5 unpopular reasons why should jump into it with two feet! — Benefits of babywearing and why you should consider it even if it is not popular

I hate being wrong.

Such a shame it happens SO often.

You’d think I’d be used to it by now, but it still stings!

When I posted a video recently on Facebook of how I used a ring sling at church to make life easier, I wasn’t really trying to teach anything, but I was planning on making some teaching videos (and had some from three years ago that I had just never gotten around to posting, even though they were edited and ready to go).

I’m not really going to bother any more.

I Got a Degree from Google

In a world where everyone online acts like an expert, there are true experts coming out and finding us rookies and putting us in our places.

And like I said, no matter how gentle and loving the correction, it still stings a little bit.

When I got an email from a concerned babywearing expert who had caught my video, I felt beaten down.

She said I had demonstrated an unsafe hold and didn’t want me to teach incorrect methods or draw undue negative attention in the tenuous political climate surrounding babywearing in our culture.

I didn’t even know the government was scrutinizing babywearing.

But I definitely felt scrutinized.

And I deserved it.

It’s been ten years since I read anything about babywearing, and it really isn’t the kind of thing I should be making up on my own.

So I spent an hour doing research and watching others’ videos and learning about the TICKS safe carry acronym and safe positioning in the ring sling.

And I’m a humbler bumble.

Check out this old photo of my first baby, aptly titled on my computer “hanging out in the kitchen in a ring sling:”

Ay yi yi.

I’m checking my inbox now for the tirades.

As much as I love self-deprecating photos, especially the icky crackers and O cereal on the counter ten years ago, that’s not really what I wanted to talk about today.

I admit that I didn’t know the first thing about safe carries in a sling, at least in that picture. (Now I know the first thing but apparently not the second, third or fourth. At least I get a gold star for improvement! My excuse is just that I had outdated information – this is totally where I learned from, and it’s still recommended on that site. Like many medical professionals, it seems Dr. Sears, like me, has forgotten to keep up with current safer trends.)

But I can’t always be wrong, right?

Turns out I have a little beef with some of the other trains of thought I discovered in my babywearing wanderings through the web last week.

I Still Think I’m Right About This

I always told people one of the reasons I loved babywearing was how I could allow my baby to interact with the world.

I liked that they could see people’s faces and hear adult conversation; in fact, many times I surmised that one reason my oldest was so verbally precocious (and remains that way as a fourth grader with a seventh grade reading level) was because he was part of that adult world so early, so often, and so verbally. I was constantly explaining to him what I was doing, and he could see it all.

I had no idea there was controversy about that.

I’ve learned that many babywearing folks strongly believe that babies and older children should only be worn facing the parent, never facing out.

There is a very valid argument, and one I’ve quoted for a decade, that front carry packs that cause a baby to hang, putting all the pressure of their body weight on their pelvis, are very bad for baby’s hip development. It’s call hip dysplasia, and I cringe when I see babies dangling in front of their mommies or daddies.

But that’s not why some in the babywearing community think forward-facing carries are a no-no, even in an ergonomically correct carrier.

They think that if the baby is facing the world and cannot have the option of turning his head into the parent to block out all the commotion, that it’s unfairly overstimulating, and actually harmful. (sources: 1, 2, 3, 4)

I’m just not in that camp.

I’m super passionate about babywearing and will tell anyone that they should get a sling, wrap, or carrier (that properly positions baby’s hips), but my reasons go way beyond just “bonding.”

5 Reasons I {Heart} Babywearing – Even if Other People Disagree!

1. Babywearing is practical. It allows parents to get something done with their hands without a needy infant crying (or needy toddler for that matter!). Research says babies aren’t able to manipulate parents (at least until 6 mos. but likely more like 12-18), that their wants and needs are the same. If they want to be held, it’s a need parents should be fulfilling. But that doesn’t mean nothing should get cooked or cleaned!

2. It’s a great way to shop and be out and about without juggling strollers and cumbersome infant carseats. Again, practical, but not as its primary or singular purpose.

3. Babywearing fills a need and promotes closeness. Yep, that’s called bonding, and it’s a fantastic reason for babywearing. But I just don’t buy that it’s the only reason people should do it.

4. Babywearing generally promotes happier babies, less crying, and thus more content parents. It’s very calming for all parties involved, whether at home or out and about. (source)

5. Babywearing helps children learn. I bet I read just this article ten years ago, and I can’t imagine that it’s not true, whether it’s the current popular train of thought or not – when a baby is near their parents, interacting, seeing others’ faces, listening to conversation, rather than just being set down in a bouncy chair, they’re learning valuable interpersonal skills.

Sure, exploring toys and having tummy time and all that physical manipulation of their world is very important too and is vital to learning how to be a human being, but there’s room for a balance of both, which naturally shifts more toward baby manipulating their own world as they get older (and heavier) and attain skills like sitting up independently.

And if the doesn’t want to see the world anymore, they just fall asleep.

Is Babywearing More for the Baby or the Parent?

It’s both, of course – but I don’t think we need to feel selfish if we just want to cook dinner, put some things away, or, God forbid, go to the bathroom without a child screaming in the background.

It’s okay to love babywearing because it’s convenient for you, mamas.

It’s okay to embrace a sling, wrap, or ergonomic carrier so that life can continue moving, because it’s a win-win.

Unlike plopping baby down in a swing or in front of a screen, where quality of learning is questionable, you can be productive while bonding with and teaching your baby, just by being you.

You don’t have to stress out about every word, every interaction – because there are more interactions, more words in general, and your baby is watching everything and learning about the world from a perspective equal to that of an astronaut studying Earth for the first time from space.

Mamas, if you’re one of those who says, “But my baby just doesn’t like to be worn!” this babywearing tips post (with a video!) is for you!

Babywearing Resources

My videos: How to put on and wear a baby in a Moby Wrap
Make or purchase a ring sling like the one in the pics at Sleeping Baby.

Disclosure: Those are affiliate links to the carriers, but I hope it helps you find the best price. Check secondhand options too, just make sure you don’t get one that’s so old it’s unsafe or recalled.

Original article and pictures take www.kitchenstewardship.com site

вторник, 11 марта 2008 г.

5 Tips to Help The New Siblings Bond Without Jealousy

Seeing your children get along is one of the greatest joys of parenthood.

Last year at this time we were binging on Youtube videos of birth, breastfeeding, and crying babies. After having my first two babies 2 years apart, this 3rd tag-along came 5 years after, and I anticipated a more difficult transition, so I was trying to prepare them for what labor would be like, that a baby would cry, and that we all were so excited! The transition from 2 to 3 children went super well, with the kids even clamoring for more, “next time maybe you’ll have TWO babies!”

While I’m absolutely not praying for twins, I am happy with how our transition went from 2 to 3 children, so I wanted to share what worked for us.

1. Don’t apologize for having another child. You are giving your older child(ren) the lifelong gift of a sibling to share memories and adventures with. If you feel like your time may be spread too thin, that may be a feeling that you need to deal with (see #4 here to learn how to release judgement on yourself) so that you can remain reassuring to your children. Your children are not your therapists, and you don’t need to give them the idea that you are unsure about the transition.

Instead, talk about the fun things that siblings will do, you’ll have company in the back seat of the car, we’ll get to kiss his little baby cheeks, buy teeny-tiny clothes, and show him to Grandma and Grandpa on Skype. Don’t ask if they would like company in the back seat of the car (or anything else), but rather tell them in an excited voice with a smile. Confidence goes a long way for an easy transition. Children like to know that their parents are at peace.

If they protest that they don’t want company in the back seat, or that they don’t like baby clothes, often because they want to see what your reaction may be, you can say things like, “That’s okay, maybe you don’t want the baby in the back seat with you, you might change your mind though.” Try to avoid giving excess attention to this kind of behavior, but rather focus on anything they are excited about instead.

2. Do be realistic about how much babies cry and need. This is where our youtube videos came in, this book is also a great book to help prepare children for the change. I wanted to make sure the kids had been prepared for mom being loud during labor, that it would take me a few weeks to recover, and that babies need milk from their mom, and that was just how they were when they were babies too, and that baby would cry ‘alot’ (We decided to overemphasize the crying just in case, he didn’t actually cry that much).

I reminded them, “It’s okay, the baby will cry, you did too. It’s what babies do. Maybe this baby will like me to sing You Are My Sunshine, you sure did!”

When children know what’s coming, and the baby’s behavior isn’t a surprise, they again are reassured that their parents have it all under control.

3. Avoid competitive phrases. Telling a child why he is better than someone else (a sibling, yourself, a friend, a peer, etc.) is an easy way to get a short term smile. But life isn’t a competition, and the competitive spirit can pit siblings against each other rather than promoting cooperation and empathy.

I avoided phrases like, ‘look, the baby can’t even put his socks on, look at how awesome you are that you can put your socks on by yourself.’ In favor of relationship-building phrases like, “When you were a baby I always put your socks on too, babies need lots of help from their mom. When the baby is bigger he will do it just like you!”

I also avoided praising how the sibling played with the baby with phrases like ‘he likes you best’ in favor of stating facts and pointing out feelings to promote empathy, ‘The baby likes it when you tickle his toes while he’s in the carseat, do you see him smile? That must feel good on his baby toes.” Big sister has a sense of pride from making the baby happy, attention from you noticing, and is recognizing the baby’s feelings.

Referring to the siblings with ‘ownership’ promotes family belonging as well. “Let’s go upstairs to go give our Sam a drink of water.” “There’s the alarm, it’s time to get in the car to go bring our Hannah to school!” “Let’s go get our baby up from his nap!” We’re all in this together, and kids like that.

4. Help identify feelings with the child after birth. Everyone has lots of feelings after the birth of a baby, and identifying and talking about these feelings helps the family to feel heard. This post by my friend Teresa is the method that we use, along with phrases like these. “You look so happy to be able to help with the baby.” “It looks like you are frustrated, can you tell me about that?” “You look so proud when your brother looks up at you” “Sometimes I want to get up when the baby needs me to sit so he can nurse too. It’s okay, though, he’s only little and he needs to eat a lot.”

5. Allow older siblings to do as much as they want to. When my older two were toddlers, I went over to a friend’s house and saw her 6-year-old unbuckle the newborn, remove her from the carseat, and walk across the room with her. After initially silently gasping as I was sure this was not a good idea, I saw how relaxed and happy this family was, and how much love the siblings had for their baby. And the baby, though not carried with quite the smoothness as if an adult had done the carrying, was quite safe and taken care of.

Children are more capable than we generally expect them to be. Of course, you need to be near to ‘spot’ during the early carrying and care taking, and to prevent ‘can you watch the baby for a minute’ from becoming ‘pile all the blankets on the baby’. Allowing the older siblings to help in real ways, not just fetching things or being quiet, empowers them. Empowered children are happy and accepting children.

Original article and pictures take healthhomeandhappiness.com site

понедельник, 31 марта 2008 г.