How do you address the rules of no sleepovers with your kids, especially when dealing with birthday parties?
My daughter is almost 4, but I already see the excitement already beginning. Her friend we babysit regularly has parents who are divorcing. Last weekend was her first time to go spend the weekend at her dad’s new home. I helped her pack since we were babysitting her all day. She was very excited. When her dad picked her up, my daughter said she wanted to do that with her dad too. I tried to explain how it’s really more fun that her daddy lives with her instead of only seeing him every other weekend like her friend does. My daughter describes my husband as “fun daddy” & they do fun things together regularly- it was the idea of the sleepover that captivated her. (A couple months ago we went to visit family, so she understands sleeping at other’s houses & had fun.)
I have a good friend who is a Counselor & she’s heard a lot in sessions and sees daily struggles related to scars from childhood. She’s made a rule for her son that he can only have sleepovers with those she knows deeply- grandparents and a few of her friends she’s known a long time and knows their hearts/character. Growing up, my father-in-law always told my husband and his sister “the cockroaches come out at night.” My husband still says that regularly, especially when we hear about another crazy thing in the news.
While I was never molested I was exposed to plenty that wasn’t in line with values my parents wanted for me:
– a friend whose parents stored their bookcase in her room- which had a Joy of Sex book on it. She knew the book well. I’d heard about sex at school, then that was my next understanding of it. Certainly messed with my understanding of what sex was designed to be into my adulthood.
– at a 3rd/4th grade birthday party a mother added a splash of gin to each of our glasses of punch
– rated R movies even as a young elementary child
– a friend’s dad who walked around in his tidy whiteys around bedtime/first thing in the morning. (from a family where I never saw my dad in his underwear and that was a shock and even at 3rd grade I remember thinking that was gross. lol)
– lots of language & attitudes that my parents would not have wanted me exposed to/adopting
– I witnessed a friend and her dad having a raging screaming match with each other for about an hour. It was shocking/a bit scary to be around an adult that enraged, but I was stuck- her dad was in the doorway. I also felt pretty awkward that I couldn’t leave the room so they could discuss their private issues by themselves.
*I don’t think I told my parents any of those things. I didn’t think to. But now I’m sure could have benefitted to process some of it in a healthy way with them.
Original article and pictures take thehumbledhomemaker.com site
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